Alliance Talker
Member Dec 2nd 6:41 PM
anti break

author: Croaker
date: unknown
Description: 4 part series of a fictitious event in which Mehul gathers up the alliance heads of major alliances and accuses them of destroying Earth 1A
type: humour Alliance Talker
Member Dec 2nd 6:41 PM
Episode One-The Raid

THE SCENE: Interior-Mehul's command center -04:30

CHEIF: "Ok, we're ready Sir."
MEHUL: "We'll work top down from the clans list. MD."
The chief enters a command into his terminal, and there is a flash of light inside the holding cell at the front of the room, and when it fades Samoan is standing there, looking bewildered.
SAMOAN: "What's going on?"
MEHUL: "You are under arrest. I'll explain it fully once everyone is here."
Mehul turns back to the chief and says
MEHUL: "FoG."
Another flash, and suddenly Don Mach is in the cell with Samoan. Soon they are joined by Fingolfin, Norcal, Josie, Digtek, Patience, Tirol, Nicety, Distopia, Helmut, Banks, Cartoon, Nazar, Marty, Don Blubb, and Brink.
MEHUL: "Avengers"
The Chief enters the command, and 68 Avengers appear in the cell.
MEHUL: "No, just their leader."
CHIEF: "That's what I did, Boss."
MEHUL: "Ok, send them all back." The 68 Avengers disappear. "Ok, try it again."
68 Avengers appear.
BUD: "Um, we don't really have a leader."
MEHUL: "Ok, then pick the one person who usually speaks for your alliance." Hel points at Guns, who points at Bud, who points at Rivers. No one points at Chinook. :P
MEHUL (to Chief): "Ok, I don't have time for this. Keep Bud and send the rest of them back."
BUD: "Burrrrp." 67 Avengers disappear, and then Mehul steps out from behind the console.
MEHUL: "Ok, the reason why I brought you all here is because you're all under arrest."
JOSIE: "Under arrest? On what charges? Regards, me."
MEHUL: "Monopolizing the top 1000. Unfair business practices. Unfair retal policies. Bottom feeding. Extortion. Spamming. Looking upon newbies with disdain. Bot use. Whining. Bug exploitation. Promoting the use of crack in baking. And last but not least, failure to love Utopia."
NORCAL: "How can you charge ALL of us like that?"
CARTOON: " "
FINGOLFIN: "I just crunched some numbers, and only one out of four of us can realistically be charged with at least 50% of those crimes. Add in our training tags and it's even lower."
MEHUL: "You are being charged as a group, and will be tried as a group. Together you represent the most powerful alliances in game A, and it would take too long to do it separately."
TIROL: "Mhul youffv gon regret ths. Ill hedstamp you mself if have to."
PATIENCE: "What happens if we're found guilty?"
MEHUL: "You will all be executed, and the members of your alliances will be divided up among the smaller clans, so the game can start fresh."
NICETY: "Please be advise that coffee is now leader of HAN. ICQ 3456789. Glory to HAN."
BANKS: "You know, Ghost is really the guy in charge of CWG..."
DON BLUBB: "Um, can I call Papa Funk real quick?"
DON MACH: "Speaking on behalf of all FoG alliances, we will stand together as one through this."
DigTek quietly backs away from Don Mach.
MEHUL: "You will all have your chance to defend yourselves during the trial. I'll be interrogating you one at a time, starting with Samoan. The rest of you just makes yourselves comfortable until it's your turn."
A guard opens the gate and leads Samoan out to the interrogation room, and Mehul follows quietly. Once he's gone, Brink turns to Distopia.
BRINK: "This is great. We made the top 18!"
Alliance Talker
Member Dec 2nd 6:42 PM
Episode Two-The interrogation

THE SCENE: Interior-Interrogation room -09:15

Samoan, Norcal, Patience, Tirol, Josie, Distopia, Marty, Don Blubb, Bud, Nazar, and Brink have been interrogated so far. The door opens and Cartoon is led in, then directed to sit.

MEHUL: "Ok, I need you to answer a few questions. First, explain to me your land grab policy."
CARTOON: " "
MEHUL: "Ok, you DO have the right to remain silent, but if you want to have a chance of beating these charges, you're going to have to talk to me."
CARTOON: " "
MEHUL: "Ok, GUARD!"
Cartoon is lead out, and Digtek is brought in.
MEHUL: "You and TGA are the ones who started this whole 'land grab policy' nonsense. What do you have to say for yourself?"
DIGTEK: "I know all of those members personally. They wanted to play land farms."
MEHUL: "Um, ok....were you the man responsible for creating FoG?"
DIGTEK: "No. If you have any questions about FoG ask Don Mach."
MEHUL: "Alhazred, your assistant, is quoted as saying FoG was your idea."
DIGTEK: "Alhazred isn't in TGA, he's in EoP. He just knows every member of TGA, FoG, EoP, WWF and every other FoG alliance personally. He's talked to all of them."
MEHUL: "You do know that multies are against the rules, correct?"
DIGTEK: "We in TGA have a 'don't read the rules, hope no one else does either' policy. If someone points out to us that there ARE rules, we might read them."
MEHUL: "One last question: in TGA land, what color is the sky?"
DIGTEK: "I refuse to answer any more questions until I can speak with my lawyer."
MEHUL: "GUARD!" Digtek is lead out, and nicety is brought in.
MEHUL: "I've heard numerous complaints about HAN over retalling. Do you have anything to say about that?"
NICETY: "Please be advise that nana is now Leader of HAN. ICQ 456789. Glory to HAN."
MEHUL: "HAN's membership fluctuates wildly from round to round, and a lot of people suspect it's due to multis. What do you have to say about that?"
NICETY: "Please be advise that trolley is now Leader of HAN. ICQ 234567. Glory to HAN."
MEHUL: "I think we're having a little problem with the language barrier here. Let me ask you one last question: why did you join FoG this round?"
NICETY: "HAN does not retal 4X. Check news:
SS Big Country (#123) (ABC) Part of HAN (#8349) (HANxFoG) 439 A.
Attack BEFORE we retal. Our member simply did not check news first. Simple. We respect to ABC clan and do not wish to war. Please do not call HAN liar before check to news first."
MEHUL: "GUARD!" nicety is lead out and replaced by Banks.
BANKS: "Look, before you even start, I wanna say that we at CWG haven't done ANY of those things your charging me with. This whole thing is a farce. Ask me anything you want. We couldn't be more innocent."
MEHUL: "Is your alliance connected to 'crack brownies' in any way?"
BANKS: "I want to talk to my lawyer. NOW."
MEHUL: "Does your alliances promote pornography in any fashion?"
BANKS: "Get my lawyer on the phone NOW, or I'll nuke you."
MEHUL: "GUARD!" Next up is Don Blubb.
MEHUL: "LaF is widely regarded as the worst farmer of smaller alliances in the game. Your response to that?"
DON BLUBB: "Gramberto is to blame."
MEHUL: "If you were not being hit with multies, most people believe LaF would dominate the top 100. Do you think that's fair to the rest of the players in the game?"
DON BLUBB: "Gramberto is to blame."
MEHUL: "Did Corleone cheat?"
DON BLUBB: "Nope. But Gramberto does."
MEHUL: "GUARD!" Next up is Don Mach.
MEHUL: "Explain FoG to me."
DON MACH: "Nope."
MEHUL: "You must. FoG is responsible for most of the chaos that's happening this round. If I don't get some straight answers out of you every last one of you 17 will go down."
DON MACH: "I don't have to answer anything. I'm in FoG, and that's that."
MEHUL: "How did Peanut get an important role in FoG?"
DON MACH: "Hey, now, that's Alhazred's fault. I wanna talk to my lawyer."
MEHUL: "GUARD!" Helmut is led in.
MEHUL: "I need to ask you some questions."
HELMUT: "Blow me."
MEHUL: "Why did you leave Omega?"
HELUMT: "Shut up idiot."
MEHUL: "GUARD!" The last leader, Fingolfin, is lead in.
MEHUL: "First of all..."
FINGOLFIN: "As you know, I've been complaining about coalitions since the I took over the UCN over a year ago (among the major alliances, of which UCN is clearly in the top 5, and perhaps the top 3, only Norcal and Digtek have lead CONTINUIOUSLY for that long), and during the span of my tenure, I've fought, alone for the most part, for what I believe is the way the game is supposed to be played. Giant coalitions, no matter how noble in charter, merely lead to increased conflicts, and..."
MEHUL: "Wait, wait, I didn't even ask...."
FINGOLFIN: "...if you look at these charts I've drawn up, you'll see that based on what I consider to be the 8 critical factors in ranking alliances (four a subjective, and four objective), only UCN has..."
MEHUL: "GUARD!"
FINGOLFIN: "....when we were unceremoniously booted out of ROCKFamily, there were many other leaders who..."
MEHUL: "GUARD! GUARD! Get him out now!"
Alliance Talker
Member Dec 2nd 6:42 PM
Episode Three-The Great Escape

THE SCENE: Interior-holding cell -10:30

Once the interrogations are completed, Mehul informs the leaders that the trial will start after lunch, then leaves.


DISTOPIA: "We're screwed...we gotta find a way to get out of here."
BUD (nodding in agreement): "BUUURRRPPP."
DON MACH: "I have a plan. Dig, you attempt to overpower the guard, and we'll make a break for it."
DIGTEK (faking excitement): "Right, but first let's have Tirol and Don Blubb beat me up, so the guard won't expect anything! (turning serious again) Get away from me."
NORCAL: "We have to think of something, and quick."
NAZAR: "We need some way to get the guard to open the door."
SAMOAN: "Right, but what do we have that could possibly tempt him?" 17 light bulbs appear over 17 heads simultaneously.
PATIENCE: "NO."
MARTY: "But you're our only hope!"
PATIENCE: "NO."
JOSIE: "Ok, so Patience lures the guard in here, and we overpower him...then what?"
CARTOON: " "
DON MACH: "Once we overpower the guard, we should all put on his uniform; that way

tl;dr

horrible to read due boards suck on utf-8.

Interesting. Everytime an apostrophe shows up, it posts as a combination of a carroted 'a', the symbol for the Euro, and the trademark symbol (TM). That's what is being posted to the db. So maybe wherever this was copied from wasn't utf-8 friendly?

it looks just as bad in ISO-8859-1, just different; euro symbols and stuff...

i see an A w/ hat; then two diamonds with ? marks in them..

maybe our forms need to accept-charset ?

lol

I see the same as qz (obviously didn't look like that when I copied it)

urpa durpa

A lot of references that I didn't really get but kinda nice...I guess :o

FINGOLFIN: "I just crunched some numbers, and only one out of four of us can realistically be charged with at least 50% of those crimes. Add in our training tags and it's even lower. . . As you know, I've been complaining about coalitions since the I took over the UCN over a year ago . . . and during the span of my tenure, I've fought, alone for the most part, for what I believe is the way the game is supposed to be played. Giant coalitions, no matter how noble in charter, merely lead to increased conflicts, and . . . if you look at these charts I've drawn up, you'll see that based on what I consider to be the 8 critical factors in ranking alliances (four a subjective, and four objective), only UCN has. . .when we were unceremoniously booted out of ROCKFamily, there were many other leaders . . ."

Man, thats just spooky.

And that is why you learn history in school!

Sometimes I can still visualize him berating a WC leader for breaking a target that he would not have picked . . . if ever there was a place that you did not want to get promoted to middle management - it was UCN.