There was a little old lady that got pulled over by the county sheriff for speeding, the sheriff asks the lady for her license, registration and insurance, and notices as the lady retrieves them a firearms carry permit, so he asks the lady, "Do you have any weapons, Ma'am?". To which the lady responds "Why yes, officer, I have a .38 in my purse, and a 9mm in the glove box, I also have an ar-15 and a shotgun in the trunk." The Sheriff then asks the woman, "What are you so afraid of?". The lady replies, "Not a damn thing".

There, I made it easy for ya to post your own up. The bar is set fairly low.

Why do Blondes where blouses with shoulder pads?

So they don't get a concussion when they say "I don't know".

There were three women in the obstetrician's office waiting to see the doctor. One was a brunette, one a blonde, and one a redhead. They had been waiting a very long time when they spied the doctor coming out of one examination room and heading for another. They interrupted him and said to him "Doctor, we're not here for any long procedure, we just want to find out what sex the baby we're going to have is."

The doctor replied "Well, ladies, that's really easy, if you were on the bottom when the baby was concieved it's going to be a boy, if you were on top, it'll be a girl."

The brunette squeals and says "I'm going to have a boy", the redhead also squeals and says "I'm going to have a girl", the blonde also squeals, then starts crying and sobbing.

The doctor asks the blonde, "Miss, is there something wrong? Do you need any help immediately?"

The blonde sobs once again and says "I'm going to have puppies"

A BLONDE AND HER FRIEND ARE DRIVING THROUGH THE COUNTRY, PAST ACRES AND ACRES OF WHEAT FIELDS. IN THE MIDDLE OF ONE FIELD, THEY SPOT ANOTHER BLONDE, IN A CANOE, ROWING LIKE MAD.

THE BLONDE IN THE CAR BECOMES QUITE ANGRY!

"IT'S BECAUSE OF WOMEN LIKE HER THAT WE BLONDES HAVE BAD REPUTATIONS", SHE TELLS HER FRIEND. "YOU CAN'T GET ANYWHERE CANOEING THROUGH A WHEAT FIELD! THIS MAKES ME SO MAD! IF I COULD SWIM, I'D GO OUT THERE AND KICK HER ASS!"

HA!

THE FIRST PARAGRAPH WAS MISLEADING, I WAS CONVINCED IT WAS THE START OF A POORLY WRITTEN PORNOGRAPHIC FILM, MAYBE FROM THE EIGHTIES OR EARLY NINETIES (SO IT WAS CALIFORNIA BEACH BLONDE, OF COURSE)

During the wedding rehearsal, the groom approached the pastor with an unusual offer: “Look, I’ll give you $100 if you’ll change the wedding vows. When you get to the part where I’m supposed to promise to ‘love, honor and obey’ and ‘be faithful to her forever,’ I’d appreciate it if you’d just leave that out.” He passed the minister a $100 bill and walked away satisfied. On the day of the wedding, when it came time for the groom’s vows, the pastor looked the young man in the eye and said: “Will you promise to prostrate yourself before her, obey her every command and wish, serve her breakfast in bed every morning of your life, and swear eternally before God and your lovely wife that you will not ever even look at another woman, as long as you both shall live? ”The groom gulped and looked around, and said in a tiny voice, “Yes,” then leaned toward the pastor and hissed: “I thought we had a deal.” The pastor put a $100 bill into the groom’s hand and whispered: “She made me a better offer.”

A PRIEST, A RABBI, AND A MINISTER WALK INTO A BAR.

THE BARTENDER LOOKS UP AT THEM AND SAYS..

"WHAT IS THIS, SOME KIND OF JOKE?"


HA!

A CATHOLIC, A JEW AND A PROTESTANT WALK INTO A BAR
THE BARTENDER LOOKS UP AND SAYS TO THEM..
"IS THIS NOT BILLS JOKE FROM ONE POST ABOVE?"



(TO WIT I CALL WIT, TO WIT I CALL WIT)

(UNLESS JEW IS OFFENSIVE, THEN I MEAN HEB?)

A small two-seater Cessna 152 plane crashed into a cemetery early this morning in central Sweden. Swedish search and rescue workers have recovered 3000 bodies thus far, and expect that number to climb as digging continues into the evening...

North Korea

Obama

Fixed that for you.

both bushes or just bush w/o w?

Obama needs a clown suit.

The Queen of England!!!! she is sooooooo old!!!!!

There are three flies in the kitchen, which one is the cowboy?

After leaving a store, a blonde walked out and went up to a soda machine. The blonde put in 50 cents and out popped a coke. She searched her bag for more money. She found some and kept feeding the machine money. Cokes and Sprite and Mountain Dew bottles began rolling down the street.
A young man walked up behind her and watched this for a few minutes. Then he asked, "Can I get one now?"
She whizzed around and yelled, "No way, I'm not giving up this winning machine?"

He's the one on the range.

you did that one already. and i have since borrowed it, and let me tell you, knees were slapped.