Jan 6th 2012, 2:35:44
Oh this should be fun, do you want the conventional wisdom, or our own spin?
The Archaic version:
Mitt Romney - The guy you hated in high school but probably elected to student council anyway. Classic case of a child of privilege that makes a shallow attempt to hide his upbringing. Joiner that takes credit for team successes and distances himself from team failures. Will lie to you while he shakes your hand. Has already realized that all he has to do is not fluff it up.
Rick Santorum - Zealous WASP that not only can't see your side of it - he does not give a fluff about your side. He probably genuinely believes his own BS about gays ruining our economy. Has ridden his charisma and good looks in a weak district for years. Has a 'Google Problem' that probably makes him unelectable. The only remaining Republican that could push swing states back to the left.
Newt Gingrich - Thinks he is the smartest guy in the room and is usually superficially right. Knows the game very well and rarely makes outright gaffs. Hes talking farther right than he actually is because he has been keeping company with wackos lately. He thinks we care about Alexander Hamilton would have solved the treasury departments failures. We don't. He would love to debate Obama, but would rather not be president.
Ron Paul - Really truly honestly believes everything he is saying. Was Tea Party before Tea Party was cool. Like Gingrich, he is a cozy mix of a few good ideas and a lot of non-starters. In 75+ years he has lots of history from which to dig dirt - it will prove to be fertile ground if he threatens to be successful. Has probably already peaked, but considers his role in redefining the GOP a moral victory.
Rick Perry - Talks way farther right than he is, he was Al Gore's campaign manager in TX in 1988. He's never really ran for a competitive office, having been appointed governor of TX when GWB was elected president then used a huge corporate warchest to hold the office for the oil companies that pay his salary. He has steadily talked farther right than his upbringing and claimed credit for Texas booming economy when in fact he basically rode the wave of an energy boom. Sticks his foot in his mouth more than a Cirque de Solis dancer.
Barack Obama - His meteoric political rise intersected perfectly with GWB meteoric decent. Made a lot of pie in the sky promises while John McCain repeatedly shot himself in the foot. Now that he is president he realizes that its not a great job no matter how many times he lets the other team redraw the line in the sand. Has caved in so often his staff wears hard hats to avoid being hit be falling pieces. Already planning his career as Jimmy Carters spiritual successor.
The Archaic version:
Mitt Romney - The guy you hated in high school but probably elected to student council anyway. Classic case of a child of privilege that makes a shallow attempt to hide his upbringing. Joiner that takes credit for team successes and distances himself from team failures. Will lie to you while he shakes your hand. Has already realized that all he has to do is not fluff it up.
Rick Santorum - Zealous WASP that not only can't see your side of it - he does not give a fluff about your side. He probably genuinely believes his own BS about gays ruining our economy. Has ridden his charisma and good looks in a weak district for years. Has a 'Google Problem' that probably makes him unelectable. The only remaining Republican that could push swing states back to the left.
Newt Gingrich - Thinks he is the smartest guy in the room and is usually superficially right. Knows the game very well and rarely makes outright gaffs. Hes talking farther right than he actually is because he has been keeping company with wackos lately. He thinks we care about Alexander Hamilton would have solved the treasury departments failures. We don't. He would love to debate Obama, but would rather not be president.
Ron Paul - Really truly honestly believes everything he is saying. Was Tea Party before Tea Party was cool. Like Gingrich, he is a cozy mix of a few good ideas and a lot of non-starters. In 75+ years he has lots of history from which to dig dirt - it will prove to be fertile ground if he threatens to be successful. Has probably already peaked, but considers his role in redefining the GOP a moral victory.
Rick Perry - Talks way farther right than he is, he was Al Gore's campaign manager in TX in 1988. He's never really ran for a competitive office, having been appointed governor of TX when GWB was elected president then used a huge corporate warchest to hold the office for the oil companies that pay his salary. He has steadily talked farther right than his upbringing and claimed credit for Texas booming economy when in fact he basically rode the wave of an energy boom. Sticks his foot in his mouth more than a Cirque de Solis dancer.
Barack Obama - His meteoric political rise intersected perfectly with GWB meteoric decent. Made a lot of pie in the sky promises while John McCain repeatedly shot himself in the foot. Now that he is president he realizes that its not a great job no matter how many times he lets the other team redraw the line in the sand. Has caved in so often his staff wears hard hats to avoid being hit be falling pieces. Already planning his career as Jimmy Carters spiritual successor.
Cheating Mod Hall of Shame: Dark Morbid, Turtle Crawler, Sov