Are you a English major? I knew a few when I was in uni. The most common mistake was them over working their work. In an attempt to brag about their vocabulary, syntax, and diction, they massivly over write every one of their works.

Instead of impressing peoe, they generally showed how little they really know about writing. Writing is much more than a massive vocabulary. Using proper syntax, word flow, and target audience and purpose of the writing are much more important.

We arnt in awe of your vocabulary. We just think you are a 17 year old hs student studying for the sat. Your vocabulary is good, your writing is poor.

Edit: the last time I took a English class was like 6 years ago. But I remember a perticular exersise that my profesos used to make us do.

He would post paragraphs, much like the ones you write, on the board. Our task was to take these 7-8 sentence, repetative sentence paregraphs, and condense them into one or two sentence statments.

The moral is, you are throwing so many fluff words into your writings, it looks like you are writing a 500 word essay and only have 450 words, so you go back and add words in. It just looks stupid and has the flow of a glaicer