DISCLAIMER: I AM NOT TRYING TO OFFEND ANYONE. I AM NOT FORCING YOU TO READ MY OWN PERSONAL DIARY. FEEL FREE TO NOT READ FURTHER.
MY DIARY IS BASED PURELY ON MY OWN EXPERIENCE AND NOT REFLECTIVE OF ANY MEMBER OF THIS COMMUNITY. I AM NOT MAKING ANY PERSONAL ATTACKS ON ANYONE, ONLY SHARING MY PERSONAL EXPERIENCE.

Day 1
Dear Diary,
Today I was served a 7 day sentence in forum jail for saying mean things on the internet. I told my wife about the ban, and naturally she is very mad at me. She seemingly didn’t know I was this much of an absolute monster. Her exact words were “I am shocked to the core. I don’t even know who you are anymore. I don’t recognize you.” She even made me watch the Arthur video explaining that people shouldn’t go on the internet and tell lies. I had a glass of Lavagulin neat and went to bed.

Day 2
Dear Diary,
As the main Salt provider to both my family and supporters in the EE community, now that my Access to the AT has been cut, I can no longer provide those tasty electrolytes to my loved ones. These people rely on me for top tier fluffposts and grade AAA banter. My daughter who was once a bully at school and an S tier troll, is today already starting to look dehydrated and sickly. I must find another place to mine salt soon before the situation deteriorates. I had a springbank 15 on the rocks and went to bed.

Day 3
Dear Diary,
My wife has left with my child for greener pastures. I am so depressed that I couldn’t even grill meat tonight. I bought an entire case of soylent and had that for dinner instead. I made a rootbeer float for dessert. I browsed the internet to find some new friends. I found some mostly peaceful people protesting fascism. They seem cool. For the most part they also do not have families or loved ones just like me. I find this strange but also comforting. I had a few coronas and went to bed.

Day 4
Dear diary,
Today I lost my job, apparently all the soy and lact of electrolytes has caused a marked deterioration of my logic and communication skills. I spent the rest of my day telling people to “fight me irl” on reddit while I sip my soy latte. I made a new friend who suggested I partake in a peaceful protest tomorrow. It sounds like fun. I will update you with results. On a side note, my breasts are really hurting and I am crying more now. I had a really tasty rum and coke and went to bed.

Day 5
Dear Diary,
WOW just WOW. Last night I engaged in a peaceful protest. There were a few people who disagreed with me, but I just called them a nazi and punched them in the face! What a rush! It all happened so fast! One second I was sipping my soy and pea protein shake and next thing I know I woke up in a strange mans bed. It is unclear what happened, but I have $180 in my wallet and a sweet new pair of shoes and a totally rad new pink fitbit. I wouldn’t call it looting because I took it from privileged white men. I don’t remember what I drank before bed, everything after the seltzers at Billy’s pre-drink was kind of a blur.

Day 6
Dear Diary,
Now that I have no family or job holding me back, I am going to get in the best shape ever with my shiny new shoes and pink fitbit. I’ll show all the haters. I went to the gym and saw a hot girl. I was standing in her squat rack. Naturally I was doing bicep girls. That’s when she gave me “the eyes”. We will definitely mate. I did 10 pushups but was out of breath.. My breasts are definitely larger. It must have been the pushups. I am so thirsty but due to the lack of tasty electrolytes nothing quenches my thirst. I had a frozen margherita with extra salt and went to bed.

Day 7
Dear Diary,
I woke up to see that Donald Trump has been cured of COVID. Why is he such a selfish piece of human garbage? What is this horror! I look in the mirror, my breasts are now lactating and all my bills are due. This is all trumps fault. I don’t have money for lunch so I drink a quick soylent on my way to cash my government cheque. Trump has taken everything from me. Thank god I am a free man tomorrow and can get my life back on track. Now that I don’t have a family or any obligations to worry about, I will focus my time on arguing with people on the internet and solving the BIG problems that society faces. I had a frozen purple cosmo and went to bed. Tomorrow marks the beginning of the rest of my life.



Friends, I share this with you to warn you of the dangers of saying mean words on the internet. Be careful out there.

Furthermore, Any personal attacks or libel on me, I will immediately cry to the mods. You've been warned.

With all the love in my heart,

Your dear friend,

Chevs